Reflections On Life With Twins At 3 Months And 3 Years

I have exciting news! Our twins just turned 3, which means we’ve survived the first leg of this crazy, amazing marathon with multiples. I remember sitting in my favorite little coffee shop when they were 3 months old, where I somehow gathered enough sleep-deprived brain cells to write a “Reflections On Life With Twins At 3 Months.” I thought it would be fun to post it again here, with a comparison on life with twins at 3 years, to see what has changed and what has stayed the same.

Reflections On Life With Twins At 3 Months:

-I’m learning that my children are as worthy of my respect as I am of theirs. They’re influenced by me, but they aren’t clones of me.

-I’m learning that it’s never wrong to ask a question or to validate someone’s feelings and experience, even if that someone is very small.

-I see that there are endless opportunities for activities, personal growth, and childcare. Because of that, there’s no reason for martyrdom.

-I’ve realized that only I can take the initiative for my mental and emotional well being.

-I’m learning that tomorrow really is another day, and the world will continue to turn if I don’t accomplish everything on my to-do list. In fact, I need to give myself credit for accomplishing even one small thing in a day!

-I understand now that my energy is a precious commodity and not endless, thus I’m choosing more wisely how to spend it.

-I’m learning to live in the moment rather than planning so much.

-I’m learning to use the time when my children are awake to focus on them, and to save chores for when they’re asleep.

-However, I’m realizing that I must spend their sleeping time on my needs first, otherwise I miss the opportunity for restoration. There will always be laundry and cleaning to do, but neglecting my needs creates a debt that takes a toll on my well being and my ability to meet my family’s needs.

-My husband has a different role as a father than I do as a mother. We’re a team, but since I’m with the kids 24/7, my time away from them is a necessity, not a luxury.

-I’m learning to listen to my gut when making decisions. It really is always right!

-I’m realizing that I have to let go of my children and let them learn from other people. My role is to be the consistent foundation at home that they can always return to.

-I’m learning how fast childhood goes, and that these few short years are the foundation for the rest of my children’s lives and my relationship with them. My personal sacrifices now are actually very small, yet could reap huge rewards.

-I’m learning that consistency is the key to most things in life: parenting, career success, relationships. It’s much easier to set the rules/boundaries and maintain them, instead of letting them go and having to rebuild them.

-I’m learning that life is beautiful at its core, that there are endless chances for starting over, and that there’s something to learn every day!

Reflections On Life With Twins At 3 Years:

-I’m learning that change is constant, so I might as well grab some coffee and chocolate and go along for the ride.

-I’ve learned that three kids who can walk, talk, and feed themselves are an enormous gift that will still inspire awe in my heart long after they no longer want to be seen walking, talking, or eating with me.

-I’m learning that time does heal all sorts of wounds, and that kids have an amazing ability to forget their wounds and rush headlong into the next adventure.

-I’m learning that whispering is more terrifying than yelling. Now, I need to learn how to do it.

-I’ve learned that one bag of Goldfish crackers will reproduce itself multiple times in my car’s backseat.

-I’ve learned that opposites attract: No matter what I expect, the opposite will happen.

-I’ve learned that nothing makes fighting kids band together faster than a parent who charges into the room and demands to know, “What’s going on?”

-I’ve learned that 3 big kids can play together long enough for me to accomplish one small thing on my to-do list, and I might be able to accomplish one more thing while I wait for them to fight their own battles.

-I’ve learned that kids behave better in public than at home, and to accept that gratefully rather than question it. I’m learning to be grateful that they feel safe expressing themselves at home, although we might work on that being upstairs, in their rooms, with the doors closed.

-I’ve learned to adjust my expectations. I expect at least one spill per child per day. Sometimes, it will be milk, and sometimes, a diaper.

-I’ve learned that there are always adventures to go on, if I just take 5 minutes to locate them, and that kids are quite able to make up their own, if I let them try.

-I’m learning that I need to spend an equal amount of energy finding adventures for myself, because no one else will do it for me, and Mommy’s Time Away benefits all of us. Whoever said, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” and “Familiarity breeds contempt” must have been a parent! I’ve learned that my going is sweet, but the coming home is then sweeter.

-I’ve learned that natural consequences are the best discipline. A child who rewards a mommy’s offer to play hide-and-seek by throwing woodchips on her siblings’ heads because she won’t share her hiding space will then watch her siblings take all the stars off her reward chart, see them each get an extra star for longsuffering, and hear a mommy deny her next request to play. But she will still get and give a good night hug, and we’ll all start over the next morning. I’ve learned there’s always a new chance to start over.

-I’ve learned that kids who have the opportunity to put a mommy in timeout for overreacting will not let that mommy serve her sentence in peace. They’ll keep coming back to point at her with delighted grins, and to pretend to take her picture.

-I’ve learned that laughter is the best medicine!

What have you learned during your parenthood? Post it here!

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Beth Louw
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 16:30:43

    I have learned that you are a fantastic mother. Your postings have helped me reflect on the pros and cons of motherhood. And I have learned that I am in no way, shape or form ready to take on the task. But also I have learned that although my heart and hormones really want children that I must accept the reality of what I can handle in life. Maybe one day I will be ready and maybe never. But I will be okay with what life deals me. I am grateful to have a wonderful husband, parents, siblings, nieces and nephews. I love and admire you more than you know.

    Reply

  2. Lynda Olsen
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 18:52:21

    The insight you already have regarding your young children is amazing and truly fun to read. Thank you again for sharing your experiences, both positive and negative. It is entertaining and informative.
    Thanks, Abby.

    Reply

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